I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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