For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
