my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
