we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
