I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
