my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
