In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this just has baby written all over it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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