it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
