If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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