the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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