I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
