So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
