I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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