you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
