you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
