I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize