she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
