Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
