My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
