Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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