At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize