I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
