Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize