Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
