She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sobbing to NWA
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
