I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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