I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
