My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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