listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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