Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
