you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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