i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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