you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
