Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
