We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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