I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Houston, we have a blender
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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