For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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