I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
