I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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