last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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