just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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