Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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