My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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