drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
