I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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