I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
