he thought i was a dude.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize