why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
