I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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