PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
