Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My life is pants optional.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
