Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
