is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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