i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
