do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
