Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
