How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
