Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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