last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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