Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
