i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
