Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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