You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
