Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
