I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
