Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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