He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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