And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dear god my vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
