about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
