what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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