just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize