It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
