i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
