i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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