It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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