i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
