Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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