well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
