hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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