My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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