so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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