well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
