Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
