Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
