Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Terrible idea I love it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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