I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
