whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
