The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize