Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
