Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
