if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
