I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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