it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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