Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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