i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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