Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize