His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
