I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
