We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
