I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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