just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
