Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
