they need to just BURY HIM!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
