but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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