you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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