I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize