So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
