she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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