Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
