party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
