thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
