over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
