I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
