It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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