pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
