They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
