You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
